Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
