She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize