I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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