my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We need a shit load of segways right now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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