I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
