So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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