LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
