paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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