bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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