Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you never un-have a 4some
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
