He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
