I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
