between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
