mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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