if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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