Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
