if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
