I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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