I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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