final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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