i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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