i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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