You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Holy sore nipples Batman
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
