Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
