Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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