I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He passed out mid-signature
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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