Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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