The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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