do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
