I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
