my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
