Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
