This is not my ceiling
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize