Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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