Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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