Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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