Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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