The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
