Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
