every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
