I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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