There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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