I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
