you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
