If i come over, it means nothing
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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