and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
