What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
