Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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