Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
