Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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