It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize