don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
