Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
