before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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