So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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