If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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