Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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