We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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