My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
