worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i out mim tonsoeep
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