so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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