guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize