Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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