Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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