then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
