you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize