Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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