explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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