do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
