well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
